


December 18: remember how close we came

by dizzy



Series: farewell and gtfo 2016 daily fic advent [18]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-09 16:35:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8899675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy
Summary: prompt: AMAZINFGSKIES and Charlie pov on dnp in more current years





	

Charlie stops in the middle of the tube station exit. 

It’s one of those weird moments where disassociation hits hard. For a moment he feels like he’s not himself, he’s a stranger in his own footsteps staring across the street at a stranger wearing an old friend’s face. Then someone bumps into him from behind and he takes a breath, long and deep, a self-taught habit to soothe the prickling beginnings of a panic attack. 

He’s fine, he tells himself. 

This is fine, he says even though he doesn’t quite believe it. 

He starts to walk forward. 

*

Phil sees him before Charlie’s made it all the way along the way over. 

Charlie can track the realization from the first burst of recognition to the frantic glance around, wondering if there’s somewhere to escape to. 

Charlie could avert his eyes. He could allow Phil this escape. 

But Charlie is, among many other things, still impulsive and this is a moment. He doesn’t want regrets, later on. He’s got enough of those. 

He and Phil are the same height. He looks Phil right in the eye and - smiles. “I recognize you from somewhere, don’t I? The internet, maybe?” 

Phil smiles, almost. “Charlie,” he says, and his voice is full of _almost_. “It’s been a while.” 

“Years,” Charlie agrees. “How are you?” 

“I’m fine,” Phil says. He glances over. The light is changing now. He could cross, but he doesn’t. “And you?” 

“Let me tell you,” Charlie says. “Over a coffee?” 

His heart is beating rabbit fast. 

“I shouldn’t-” Phil starts to say. “Dan is…”

“Please.” Charlie is owed absolutely nothing in this situation. He's going to push anyway, because he's a masochist. “Invite him. We’ll all have a nice little catch up.” 

Phil actually does laugh at that. “He’s not with me, surprisingly enough.” 

“Look,” Charlie says, pointing slightly to the left. “We’re literally right in front of a Starbucks. One cup of coffee.” 

Phil glances at the door, then back at his phone. “I really don’t have long.” 

*

Phil won’t let Charlie buy him a coffee, but agrees to five minutes. 

He’s killing time anyway, he says. Has to meet Dan at their manager’s office. Charlie can’t tell if it’s a lie, but he doesn’t really care. 

“What do you want?” Phil asks, voice soft. He’s so uncomfortable with this. Why did he even agree to it? Charlie has no idea. 

“Just to know how you are,” Charlie says. “Your birthday’s soon, isn’t it?”

Maybe to prove that after years of self-destructive bullshit, Phil is still willing to sit across from Charlie at a table. 

“Yeah,” Phil says. “Dan and I are going to Japan.” 

“Wow. You’ve got to go check out Akihabara, a friend of mine went and said it was paradise.” Charlie would love to go, but it’s far and beyond his current travel budget. 

“It is,” Phil says, then almost apologetically. “We actually went last year.”

“Jet-setters.” Charlie is adequately impressed. “Though I guess that’s nothing new, with your whole - tour thing, right?” 

“You know about that?” Phil seems surprised. 

“I haven’t seen it,” Charlie says. It is not a lie. “But I’ve heard. Heard it’s good. Seen your book, too. You’re a hard man to miss.”

Phil looks down, slightly sheepish. “Yeah. They do tend to spread our faces around.” 

“You are living the dream,” Charlie says. He keeps his voice light and does not say that it used to be both of their dream. 

Phil’s phone goes. He glances down at it. “It’s Dan. I thought he’d be a few more minutes.” 

“You should go.” Charlie looks over at the counter. “I’m going to get a tea. The woman behind the counter looks like she’s five seconds away from a homicidal rage that we’ve just sat here without making a purchase.” 

“Oh no.” Phil looks genuinely terrified, glancing over his shoulder. 

“If you go now you can save yourself. Consider it my last great act of amends.” 

Phil laughs, a proper little laugh with his mouth open too wide. “I feel bad going. I haven’t even asked you how you’re doing.” 

“My life isn’t all that exciting,” Charlie says. “And you don’t really care.” 

Charlie is not bitter about that. He doesn’t mind it at all. It would be uncomfortable, at best, to try and explain to Phil the paths he’s taken in his life. Phil wouldn’t be able to relate to the struggles in Charlie’s life any more than Charlie can to the idea of having books and a stage show and a significant other that lasts more than a year. 

They are so very different people. 

“It was good to see you,” Phil says. He pushes his chair back all the way. The leg against the floor of the shop makes a screeching noise, and at least three people look over. Charlie covers his mouth to muffle his laugh. “Okay, now I’m definitely leaving you to meet your demise.” 

“Bye, Phil,” Charlie says. 

Phil stands with his hands on the back of the chair and looks at him. It’s a moment of surprising eye contact, and they both seem to allow each other a chance to just look. Charlie has no idea what Phil sees, but he knows what stands out to him: that this is a man, older and more confident, successful in so many ways, and Charlie does not know him at all. Nostalgia ties them to the past, but that’s only as far as it goes. Something inside Charlie relaxes finally, after so many years. 

Maybe Phil comes to a similar conclusion because he sounds soft and satisfied when he says, “Bye, Charlie.”

*

Charlie sits there after Phil’s gone, sipping his tea and staring down at his phone. He wants to text someone, but he doesn’t want to deal with the endless questions that would come from anyone he chose to confide in. 

What would he say, even? 

_Saw an old friend today. It went fine._

He finishes his tea and tosses the cup into the bin. 

Life goes on, like it always has.


End file.
